Monday, 8 Dec. 79.
Skating (3.).
 |
| Rousseau Insel, in the summer |
Tante Clio, Lulu, Marguerite, Mamie and I went to the ice (Rousseau Insel) at 2 P.M. v. Brandt & Verschuer were already there and looked glad and relieved to see us descend the plank that leads to the ice. I was not in a very gay mood, but I laughed heartily as v. Röder came up to his cousin, v. Brandt, who was skating with me, and asked him how he (Brandt) happened to have such dirty gloves.
v. Brandt looked at his gloves in some confusion and finally, after some reflection, declared it was the dye of my black gloves, which rubbed off. Anxious to prove to the contrary, I slipped my hand in Röder’s, whose gloves were immaculately white and we three skated on. In ten minutes, I asked Röder triumphantly to exhibit his gloves—which he did—and lo and behold! they had become as black as his cousin’s. Röder said he would not neglect to send me the bill for the cleaning. We all three laughed heartily over this incident. Brandt is an angel—he has taken every pain to teach me to skate properly and I have really made some progress. Lulu was missing as we wished to leave, and Röder found her with some difficulty—she had been skating alone in some isolaed corner in order to be independent. Heinrichs looked so sad today that I pardoned his boring me. Mlle. Schery and the Koutouzoffs left for Russia tonight.
Tante Gretchen went with Lulu, Mamie and Marguerite to the theatre to see Faust. After dinner I went to spend the evening with Mama. I played for her at her request, and it was with difficulty that we both held back our tears. Oh, my God, what an unspeakable comfort it is to be able to call upon Thee, in these bitter moments! I remained all night at Mama’s and slept in her dear arms.
Wednesday, 10th Dec. 79. Adeline woke me up at 8 A.M. and, after dressing and drinking coffee, Nini and I went down town to buy gloves and hairpins. We talked about Victor [Sproesser]. Nini has something to tell me but she will not do so before I leave Europe. What is it that leads me to believe that—no, I cannot put it down, not even in my blessed journal. I must have surer proof—but what a sweet thought this has been to me all morning—and why? Heaven knows—no good could come of it!
Skating (4.).
Tante Gretchen, Mamie, Lulu, Margo and I went to Kausseau Insel after lunch. Dear old Brandt devoted himself to me in true self sacrifice. I am thankful to him for it and like him better than ever. v. Röder and all the others were there and attentive as usual. Our friends the Chinese soon made their appearance on the ice (we had hoped they would forget their promise) and a crowd gathered around them, of course, just as they were speaking to us. I skated off with an officer and they marched around a few times looking admiringly at us.
Nini read me a part of a letter she received from Victor this morning. Did you imagine, my friend Nini, that these lines would ever fall under my eyes and that they would drive the blood from my cheeks? No, destiny has held us apart and will continue to do so—I feel it!
Skating (5.) - Ice-fête.
What a delightful evening we have had! v. Puttkamer & Verschuer took their lesson later with Tante Gretchen today and afterwards accompanied Tante G., Mamie, Lulu, Margo and me to the Kausseau Insel to a fête [event] given for charitable purposes. Not caring to wait for the tramway, we ladies took a carriage and the gentlemen walked. We all reached Kausseau Insel together at 7 P.M. The lake was brilliantly illuminated with Chinese lanterns, electric & Bengal lights [a type of firework that burns with a particularly brilliant, sustained blue light]. The crowd around the ice was immense. As the music struck up, our happiness was complete but we were also somewhat excited. Tante G. had forbidden us to skate alone and we waited in an imposing row on the bench until some gentlemen should offer their services.
Our delightful independence was blown but we did not wait long for cavaliers. Heinrichs presented his Lilliputian friend, Herr v. Garnier—this gentleman has had a "history" and is in convalescence—therefore didn’t skate and looked down in the mouth. Papa Chambly immediately made off with Mama Chambly, I with v. Verschuer, Hambruch following at my heels and Puttkamer & Heinrichs brought up the rear. I was not a little glad to perceive a yellow glimmer in the distance and see the irresistible Röder sweep gracefully in our direction but I was very careful to refuse twice when he asked me to skate with him. I feel it my duty to bring him down a peg or two. He has been having too nice a time of it lately.
Mrs. Lawrence and Miss Lawrence soon came. Miss Lawrence looked sweetly. Brandt annoyed me a little by not skating with me at all this evening. It is true I made off several times when I saw him coming. We made several delightful chains, 8 and 10 of us together. One proved disastrous and Mamie, Puttkamer and I rolled gracefully over each other. These chains are too lovely—it is the excitement & possible danger that I love about them.
Heinrichs was in the most delightful humor imaginable. He was almost fascinating. Hambruch is as attentive as the officers and handsomer than any of them—but alas! the uniform is missing!
A strange man spoke to Tante Gretchen as she was skating about in a dark corner. As she took no notice of him, he finally caught her by the arm, but she pushed him away and left the spot as quickly as possible. I am thankful that such a thing did not happen to me—I certainly should not have had Tante Gretchen’s presence of mind.
We were very much disgusted at Count Dönhoff for asking Heinrichs if we were not a school. It is true he said we were charming and wanted to be presented, but we refused. The term "school" was a little too much for us.
All our cavaliers accompanied us part of the way home until we took a carriage. v. Röder, of course, arranged it to linger behind and finally offer me his arm, although v. Verschuer had my skates and had expected to walk with me. I was glad, however, to be with Röder. He is much the more interesting of the two. v. Verschuer marched on to Tante Gretchen, Margo was with Heinrichs, Lulu with Hambruch, Mamie with v. Brandt and v. Puttkamer was minus a lady. Röder and I scrambled on behind the others, threatening each moment to slip and fall—but I venture to say a great deal was passing both our minds. He said it would prove very serious if he were to come down on all fours in the snow because he would have fallen from such a height! It took me fully a moment to appreciate this deep speech.
The gentlemen tucked us in a carriage and left us. The other girls made a great deal of unnecessary noise, I thought, in exclamations of pleasure and satisfaction as the carriage drove off. I joined in moderately so that Tante Gretchen’s active mind and imagination should not indulge in any suspicions. Even the innocent have to be politic with her. Oh! how much happier my life in the Grossbeerenstrasse would have been, had I never met her! On arriving home we drank coffee and talked a great deal. It is thawing very perceptibly and this nearly breaks our hearts.
Friday, 12 Dec. 79. The only thing that induced me to get up this morning was the hope of finding the streets frozen, but its sweet consolation was denied me. There is little or no prospect of ice for some time to come. After our drawing lesson, Margo, Lulu, Mamie and I took a walk and made several purchases. Just as we were entering the big door downstairs, we saw a gentleman rush across the street after us, in the direction of our door and, as quick as a flash of lightning, we four ran up the stairs and rang our bell, as though a thousand devils were at our heels. It appears that Mamie had let some white paper drop in the street and the gentleman, thinking it a parcel, had wished to bring it to her.
Saturday, 13 Dec. 1879. It has frozen during the night and we have some hopes for skating. At breakfast, I proposed taking a little walk up to the Grossbeerenstr. skating rink, to see if the ice had held out, but at the last moment they all made excuses and declined. This lethargy is too dreadful. It makes me furious. I thank God for the enthusiasm and young fresh life he put in me. I took my hat and went alone—not to the Icebahn but to Mama’s, where I remained an hour quite regardless of lessons or anything going on in 73. Nini accompanied me home and on our way, we peeped in at the skating rink and found the ice as hard and firm as if it had never thawed. Nini insisted upon coming upstairs, although I begged her not to. I was mean & vindictive enough to wish to deny Margo the pleasure of seeing her Aunt, as she had taken so little pains to please me this morning.
After lunch, I went back to Mama and remained all afternoon. Mr. Tsien and Mr. Gih called. Mamie and Margo came later and then went with Nini & Edgar to skate in the rink; Mamie came with Mama and me to have a deed signed at the American Consulate. The deed put my property in the hands of trustees for my life-time. Mamie’s stately bearing and fresh young face seemed to overpower Mr. Kreismann, the Consul General. He did not remove his eyes from her face and asked Mama how she could be so cruel as not to bring this daughter out in society. We then joined the others and skated till dark. Mama left before we did. We ordered a carriage for this evening and separated.
Reception at Whites'.
At 9.30 P.M. Mama and I went to a large reception at Whites’, our Ambassador. [A calling card for "Mr. Andrew D. White, Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary for the United States of America, Berlin" is enclosed.] Mama wore Nile green silk and I white cashmere. We arrived late and were shown into a large room where a great many people were talking and drinking tea. Miss White presented several young Americans and one tall, blond, young German officer, Bode, whom I found very pleasant. Mama brought Mr. Lanssig and presented him. He is tall and good-looking and they say, very clever.
An American lady, who is studying for the Opera, sang a few arias, and a pupil of Rubinstein played. An American youth whom I had met at the Lawrences’ complained of the heat and begged me to come into one of the smaller drawing-rooms. I thought to myself (wrongly, as I afterwards found)—"my young compatriot thinks it will be very easy to commence an innocent American flirtation with me. He is not aware perhaps of my strict foreign principles"—and I refused very flatly. As he begged once more however and offered to carry my ice for me, curiosity got the better of me (as it always does of a woman) and I took his arm and passed through several rooms where we saw couples scattered here & there, until I finally sank down on a chair and told him I thought it was far enough. He stood up beside me and we talked about German literature—my wicked suspicions vanished and I found him very agreeable & clever.
Mr. Kreismann asked about Mamie—he confessed she had taken his heart by storm. The Whites’ apartment is superb and furnished in exquisite taste. Mama was amused by a Mr. Link of Oregon, who was witty and clever. Mama and I were more dressed than anybody else. There were many more gentlemen than ladies and the students were sadly numerous. Two cornered me just before leaving and bored me for the space of ten minutes. There were several other officers there but only one was presented to me. Mrs. White begged me to bring my music the next time. She is a charming little lady—very quiet and dignified. I spent the night and slept with Mama. The evening was pleasant. Society has many charms.
Sunday, 14 Dec. 79. I woke up early this morning and dressed only half-way as my boots and cloak etc. were at 73. On arriving at 73, found the others nearly dressed and I hastily donned my gray fur-trimmed skating costume and cap.
Skating (6.) - Neuen Seen.
At 10.30 A.M., we were on the ice at Neuen Seen—Tante Gretchen, Lulu, Helene, Margo and I. I had my skates on in a hurry and started off rather doubtfully, as none of our attendant cavaliers were there to pick up and cherish the debris [wreckage] in case of accident. However, much to my private satisfaction, I succeeded brilliantly and am really learning to be independent on ice.
v. Brandt was absent, much to my disappointment, and I venture to say, to everyone’s. Someone told us he was ill. Poor boy, too much skating probably. Ella Bierbach and brother were there and also two young lady friends of Heinrichs and Gernier. We made chains all together which proved very brilliant. Little Ella generally sat down on the ice at the end to make the Grand Finale as imposing as possible.
Lulu and Heinrichs were inseparable towards the last. Madame Chambly seems to have had no trouble in finding consolation for the absence of her interesting husband. Marguerite’s violent efforts at skating, not being crowned with success, she disarmed and made a few solo promenades around the ice. It is really a pity that her legs are so obstinate to stick to Mother Earth!
Puttkamer walked to a cab with us. On the way he informed me his brother, Wilhelm, was expected on the 21st of this month and that he would remain in Berlin four weeks. For myself, I was delighted, as I have never been able to conquer the old foible I had for him; but if Gredel Lemcke is coming also, there will be a row in the camp. Wilhelm is too open & frank to deal with Tante Gretchen and she will never forgive him for not being at Gredel’s feet. I am very curious to see how things will turn out. I was tired out and nervous on reaching home and very little disposed to play at Schaeffers’ this afternoon. We ate dinner hastily and, as the clock struck four, were standing on Shaeffers’ doorsteps
Shaeffers’ Sunday (1).
The audience consisted in the Nunnery (namely ourselves), Mama, Nini, Shaeffers’ mother and aunt and an inoffensive looking young man, who roamed around and looked lost among so many bewitching females. Their new apartment is charming and even elegant. Altogether, Frau Shaeffer is a woman to be envied—in the first place on account of her husband, and then her children and worldly possessions in general.
We first drank coffee in tiny cups and were very gay (especially we girls) and then Frl. Löwenstein sang the glorious aria from Fidelio "Du Abschenlicher." Herr Shaeffer sang two songs from Schubert and then I marched bravely up and played "Abends" and afterwards "Nachts" from Schumann.
Tante Gretchen told me I looked like a Muse as I sat at the piano and Frau Shaeffer said there was but one touch she preferred to mine and that was her husband’s. I am only too ready to share my laurels with dear Shaefferchen. How sweet and boyish he was this evening! He looked as interested as we all did when his babies were shown off—I sometimes believe he quite forgets he is a "pater familias" ["head of the family"].
Something annoyed me very much before the end of the musical entertainment—Tante Clio and Nini had insisted upon Mamie’s playing and I was against it as I knew how nervous she was and therefore begged them not to ask her. They paid no attention to me, however, and poor Mamie played and played badly, and of mere nervousness. I know what her feelings would be when she finished and went up to her as she should not be alone. She turned around on the piano-stool and raised her great, tearful eyes to mine with such an expression of sadness that I repressed my own tears with difficulty and swore at Tante Clio in my inmost soul. I have come to the conclusion that my one weak point is—Mamie. And that when people want to hurt me the most, they must do it through my sweet sister. Perhaps my persistence in thinking her perfect is wrong, but I will believe it, and I declare him or her for my deadliest enemy who dares to wound her feelings by word or deed. It is a foiblesse [weakness]—some people have more than one. Margo, Mamie and I finished the evening very pleasantly at Mama’s and came home at 10.
No comments:
Post a Comment